Two sided stories blog

After TV's right wing "Christians for torture" leading spokesman, Pat Robertson, suggested that the Haiti earthquake might be "a blessing in disguise" as far as wiping the slate and being able to create a new infrastructure, right wing Republicans have been queuing up to try and prevent any new Obama bail out to this nation, which they say is the poorest example, ever, of how to look after your bankers and investment portfolio.

"Surely the failures of Haiti can be put down to the French" said Robertson, who once voted to torture babies of single parents in order to promote the sanctity of marriage.

Other leading Right wing spokesmen agreed with the spirit of Robertson's creed of eating the poor, "We have had this incredible interfering socialist government, handicapping our wonderful free market bankers with Billions of unwanted dollars - merely because they have had a temporary blip in making profits from poor people's money", said Rush O'Donnelfox,
"Now we are being asked to bail out a whole country, that has no respect for Laissez Fairness and the rights of rich men to make millions more each, and why? - just because their ground has moved a bit, and a few thousand non share holders have suffered some portfolio downturns. As a result of these normal market conditions they want us to give them... GIVE mind you, cash, and our time, for the simple things like water food and electricity... I mean theses commodities are their core business, we should not have to be bailing them out with these things, no sir".

Mr Robertson's spokesman, Mr Fatperson, went on to back track a little on his more extreme colleague's views, "We don't mind spending some money on the Haitians, not at all - we just think that it should be conditional on them all investing in our church, (call 1-800 donatepatrobertson, just $49 can help Pat do his work with downtrodden women) and abandoning those dubious voodoo practices. These vile practices have clearly created the earthquake in the first place - so it could be seen as the wrath of God, for not worshiping the one true God in the right way."

Mr Fatperson then added, "We need to learn from history, and I have to doubt the wisdom of supporting this island, which has never been a supporter of the Episcopalian or Baptist Churches... besides, the crushing heel of the French was involved there, and that means we shouldn't be involving ourselves, or this could become another Vietnam all over again".